So it’s so important if you’re going to set goals that aren’t a fantasy but are real objectives and set goals aligned with what you value most. Now, I’ve gone over in previous webinars and on my website, dr.demartini.com, the Valuedetermination process. I’ll be brief on just a reminder of it. But if you look at how you fill your space and spend your time, what is it that energizes you? What is it that you spend your money on? Where you have the most order. Where you have the most spontaneous discipline.
What is it you think about, visualize, and internal dialogue with yourself about how you want your life that shows evidence coming true? What do you want to converse with other people about most? What is it that you have that are goals that are most persistent, consistent, pursuing, and achieving? And what is it you love reading about, studying about, learning about, listening to about most? If you look at what those are, those are the things you have the highest probability of setting an objective, a balanced goal, that you’ll achieve. In the executive center.
Save Your Time
So I tell people, don’t waste your time on goals that aren’t truly inspiring, aren’t truly meaningful, arent truly the highest on your values, because you’ll probably procrastinate, hesitate, frustrate. You won’t have the fulfillment of pursuing them. You’ll do it if it’s easy. If it starts to get difficult, you’ll want to beat yourself up and stop. You’ll think you’re sabotaging, and you feel like there’s something in the way. And you’ll give excuses. Whenever you’re setting goals that low on your values, you give excuses and don’t really want and to do it because it’s not high enough of a drive to push you over the challenges you face. If it’s truly a goal, every goal will automatically anticipate the obstacles and challenges you’re going to face and mitigate those and mitigate the risk by thinking in advance with foresight. What are you going to do to solve it? And anytime something shallow on your value, you won’t take the time to plan. You won’t even get into the executive center to know how to plan.
When you’re doing goals that are low on your values. You don’t get to the executive center, your blood glucose, don’t go there. They go into the amygdala. And the amygdala is about avoiding pain, seeking pleasure, avoiding predators, seeking prey, avoiding difficulty, seeking ease. In the process of doing it, you keep pursuing that easy path, the fast path, the immediate gratification, the addictive behaviors, the compulsive behaviors, the consuming behaviors. And this is where fantasies begin. Fantasy is the pursuit of a one-sided outcome. In my Breakthrough Experience program, I talk about some of the most common fantasies people live by. I’m going to reiterate a few of those. Anytime you have a goal that’s involving another person, and you expect them to live in your values, not their own values, you have a fantasy and your probability, you’re going to be let down. You’re going to end up with the quote “betrayal.” Anytime you expect some human being other than yourself to go and live in a one-sided manner, always be up, never down, always kind, never cruel, always positive, never negative, always peaceful, never wrathful, you’re going to be let down. They’re human beings with a set of values, and you support their values, they’re nice, you go against their values, they’re challenged, and they can be mean.
How Involves Another Person
Anytime you’re setting a goal that involves another person that is not aligned with their values, and it’s a projection of your values, and it’s not balanced. You’re expecting a one-sided outcome or combination of those two. You’re guaranteed to be let down. Because it’s just a matter of time before the person will play out the other side. And they’re not going to be dedicated to it. Nobody’s dedicated to your values. They’re dedicated to their own values. Then you also have a one-sided fantasy that you can project on yourself. You can set a goal to be up, never down, positive, never negative, peaceful, never wrathful, kind, never cruel. And anytime you set a goal that’s one-sided on yourself, you’re going to set yourself up for defeat because that’s a fantasy. Anytime you expect yourself to live in somebody else’s values, not your values, and this is the common one I see for people that say they want to be financially independent. They say that, but that’s not where their values are. And they want to buy immediate gratifying consumer goods instead of actually buying something that goes up in value, a true asset. So what happens is if you set a goal that’s low on your value. You automatically want to avoid pain and seek pleasure cause you’re in the amygdala. You’re setting a one-sided fantasy instead of a true objective, which you set when you’re in your executive center; you’re self-defeating, and fantasy is the pursuit of a one-sided outcome.
And a pursuit is something that’s not really, truly valuable to you or the pursuit of something that’s expecting something from another person that’s not really important to them. Or expecting from society, collectively, a one-sided outcome. Or expecting society to live in your values, that’s another fantasy. Or expecting mechanical objects around you to do that. You sometimes have a goal that’s a fantasy that you expect a machine. A computer is supposed to read your mind. It’s supposed to give you a positive cash flow when you’re overspending. In other words, you want to make sure that you’re setting realistic goals that are real objectives that are really balanced, that are truly congruent, and really aligned to what you value most. Or you’re going to self-defeat.